Oh Guru, On that Bed of Nails: You Know It Better Than Anyone
I was Frustrated with the world, since as anyone can see, it is a vacuous place and its easy to feel forgotten and discarded. I wanted to know more, so I could finally understand, where I truly belong in this ungodly awful sham.
You see, it seems that all I get from this world is the same old thing, just an image of my life, that’s nothing, but unreal. Its as plain as day, to anyone who wishes to see, who they want me to be is not to be me.
So along came this guru, who says he can lay on a bed of nails. He says that I know nothing, and that my hands are firmly tied.
So then I got involved, and I later found that I don’t have the ability, nor could I ever, to find an answer inside. It seems I am just too corrupt and awful inside, but all I have to do to turn it around, is live the life that he tells me to.
So I’ll just drop everything, that I ever felt I should do, turn my back on my friends, and leave it all behind. They have no real value, as I have been told, since they are merely bags of waste; so I will just follow him down, into the dark hole of certainty.
He said many things, and I listen with great intent, I hang my-self on every word that comes out of his divine mouth. Every day I sink in deeper into the version of reality that he has created, and farther away from my own. I am continuously reminded that he holds the answers, and it is pointless to trust in my inner-self.
That inner-self of mine is rotten, rotten to the core. I cannot hope to save her, without the help of my guru. There is no choice but to continue, and so it is that I’ll follow. To the gates of hell I’ll go, mistrusting all else that I encounter.
No I won’t try anything, that doesn’t have his seal of approval. I’ll live vicariously through him, because he is the only one who really knows. I’ll join communities of others, who have also done the same. Together we will reject our self-hood, for the good of all man-kind.
So a decade passes and I have been a humble and unquestioning servant. I always knew this is the way, because he cannot lead me astray.
But for some reason I’m feeling lonely and more worthless every day. I lash out at myself, and I pray for the day when my own uniqueness dies; because I am told that I’ll be re-born, on the other side when all is said and done.
There is something inside me, that just won’t die out like Guru wishes. This has been with me all this time, though I have sequestered it deep inside. Always told to be ashamed of it, though my feelings deep inside; they tell me otherwise.
Then one day I realized, after calming from a fit of rage and fury, that the thing I think I’m killing is not my enemy. No the enemy is the killer, that I have built inside. It wants to trash what was given to me by the creator, for the aims of another man.
I could crucify tomorrow, but I know that no-matter what, my loneliness will survive. Yes It has come to my attention, that as long as I continue to sequester my true self-hood inside; shutting out the world and punishing my inner child. I will never find this completeness, that I have so-long sought. There will never be any sunshine, and I will be empty inside.
So now I stand here naked, having stripped away this awful mask. The Guru will not have my soul in his dungeon. I will escape and live on the marvelous existence given by the creator.