What’s the Worst Thing about Becoming a new Parent?
You might think its the bodily trauma of pregnancy and birth, or the constant stream of dirty diapers, or the sleep deprivation. There are many negative things that people often associate with the journey into parenthood; but I submit to you that there is something else altogether, seldom mentioned, which goes far beyond all of these things.
The worst thing about becoming a new parent, is how people who wish to control you, treat you. Yes, you heard it right. When you don’t have a kid on the way, you are of little matter to them; but once they hear that one is on the way; all of the sudden, they want to know everything about your life; they want to become good buddies, give you their “sage advice,” and guilt you for anything that you don’t include them in.
Yes, some will even go so far as to try their damnedest to make you, a first time parent, feel like shit; just a couple weeks before the little one arrives. And they don’t seem to see a problem with that; though I certainly do. From what I understand, one’s emotional state plays a very important role in the outcome of a birth; but what do they care? They feel slighted because they didn’t get their way; so they are perfectly justified in taking it out on YOU, the one who has to actually go through a very difficult experience.
Then they wonder why you don’t want them around much afterward, to be a regular part of their life. Of course, they hold that against you as well and constantly remind you, both directly and through proxy of that fact.
So my advice to anyone who knows someone who is pregnant with a child: respect their wishes, try not to butt in, if they don’t want to include you; butting in will only make them unnecessarily uncomfortable, stressed out, and may even lead to complications. The important thing here is the baby, and a successful outcome. More than likely, if you do try to force your way in, you will only be getting in the way.
I still do not understand this obsession people have with controlling new parents. They made their child, birthed them and did most of the work to get where they are. They should have a little faith in the ability of an aware human adult to birth and raise his or her own children. Second guessing this ability will only make them want to push you away further; because the parent knows what they are capable of; and they don’t need someone spewing negativity at them, in order to feel important.