Finally Kicking Out “Guy on the Couch”

Look at what you’ve done to me
You’ve become my enemy
Poisoning the world for me
Take away my everything
Weakened as I am

Awhile back, I met this guy in a college math class who seemed like a decent person. After working together on assignments for awhile, I agreed to live with him so that we could save money, start a business and try to become self-sufficient. At the time he was a paper-boy, but he made enough money to pay his end of the bills and I had faith in him, so I decided it would work-out. Boy was I ever wrong about him.

Gets Fired From the Easiest Job Ever

Eventually I helped to get him a better job at the company where I work, where he was supposedly helping setup and maintain the computer systems. He got really cocky about it, as I repeatedly heard him talking to his friends about “his position” as if he was actually a professional at something, when in fact he was just an intern with few responsibilities.

Well, the job I set him up with didn’t really work out. He got sick for a couple of days and didn’t even bother to call in and tell them he wasn’t going to be there. That was about enough, in conjunction with the fact that he didn’t set-up a single server and he wasn’t even able to to do simple windows installs in a timely manner.

As patient as my boss tends to be with incompetent people, after a few months of this, in conjunction with the guy’s cocky attitude, he was let go. That was the last job that he was been able to get. So at this point, he’s been out of work so long that I cannot even remember what it was like for him to work. Its got to have been at least a year, at this point, I’ve lost track.

Lies About the Garden to His Friends

During his most recent period of unemployment, though he is able to do just about whatever he wants all day long, he hasn’t managed to get outside and help with the garden, not even once. The funny thing is, just today, I happened upon his MySpace profile and saw his tissue of lies!

Chris is a LIAR

Apparently he brags, on his profile, that he’s really into gardening and that it provides all of his food.

Whats even funnier is his attitude towards me for actually taking care of everything in the garden. He seems to think its a waste of time. I actually remember him saying that I’m just “playing around in the dirt.” What he doesn’t seem to understand, however, is that my “playing around in the dirt” creates a tremendous amount of food, and despite the fact that he is worthless to the garden, he is still welcome to eat from it. “MMM THATS GOOD!! Thanks, but no thanks for growing all that food, I’m going to act like I did it all and be denigrating to you for spending time on it!!”

Pathological Liar

The old saying, “if only I had a nickel for every time…” fits well here. Almost every time I speak to the boy, he tells me another lie. Most of the lies have to do with our financial situation. When I ask something like “are all of the bills that you are responsible for paying caught up yet?” he almost always replies with an affirmation followed by sneering at me for even asking.

I wouldn’t ask, however, if he hadn’t continually missed payments. In fact, he has done such a horrible job of paying the bills that he is responsible for, that I now have TWO black marks on my credit report from bills payed more than 30 days late. The only way I even found out about these is from getting a copy of my credit report and seeing it for myself.

Just the other day, in fact, I happened to see a letter from our internet provider, which indicated that our bill was way behind. I asked him if this was still a problem and he said something along the lines of, “Na, everything is alright, i just pay it a month behind and its not a problem. Their billing system is kind of funny.” Then, just yesterday, I get a call from the collectors at the ISP saying that they are going to shut the service off this Saturday if the bill isn’t paid. So this is just one in the massive stack of bold-faced lies that this chump is spewing out of his foul mouth.

Mouthing Off About me to Friends

The dude had just gone out of town to play a nice game of Rugby, after all of the great things he has accomplished, I guess he thinks he deserves a vacation. When he got back, I was a bit peeved about his continued arrogance in the face of his continuous lies and failures, so I slammed a door and tossed a dish in the sink, it was really difficult not to when someone has parked their worthless ass in your house and is taking continuous advantage of you.

So I was walking up the stairs to get something and I heard him talking to a friend, saying that I “act like a 5-year old.” He then said that he “thinks its kind of funny.” So basically, he thinks the fact that I’m not okay with the fact that he is, essentially, a worthless bum that is feeding off of me, is funny. I’m not sure what kind of a sick sense of humor he has, but that was one of the last straws for me.

Done Deal

The other day, I got an email from him saying that the cats have fleas and that I’d better get them treated soon. He said that he wants to start bringing girls over and that he would start getting very angry if I didn’t do something about it right away. He also took the liberty to call me cruel for not taking the cats to the vet after a minor eye infection, despite the fact that he was the one who re-assured me that he’d seen many eye infections and they’d be just fine.

Over the last few days I’ve started to think differently about this guy. For some reason I felt sorry for him and put up with him for the last year or so, but now he’s trying to act like he owns me and my house and can lie and pretty much do as he pleases without consequences. Unfortunately for him, however, I sent him a notice to get out by September 1. This gives him a full 2 months to either move back in with mom and dad, or find someone else to leach off of. TA TA ASSHOLE!! That’ll teach you to fuck with people like that!

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One thought on “Finally Kicking Out “Guy on the Couch””

  1. Congrats on getting this guy out of your life!
    I’m only sorry you have to live with him for another full two months. Sounds like a real jerk.

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